Bisexuality

An anonymous reader of this blog has asked for more information about my sexual orientation. My brief response was that I had written about that in my book, Pebbles: Memories of a Small-Town Kansas Boy. However, I’ll give a brief synopsis here.

In the swinging 1970s I fully embraced the idea of open marriage, having multiple partners, mostly among the spouses of friends. This life style put me into sexual threesomes from time to time and it was in those relationships that I discovered that my sexual interest was not limited to women. In the middle 1990s, having left my 32-year marriage and retired from a 28-year career as a university professor, I decided to explore that aspect of my being. I started seeing a gay therapist and joined a gay man’s group that he was leading. Little by little I overcame my feelings of shame and uncertainty at my sexual orientation and, when the therapist recommended a workshop held by the Body Electric School of Oakland, California I jumped at the chance.

Body Electric School is a long-standing operation that was started in the height of the AIDS epidemic in the Bay Area. Two gay men began to teach workshops for other men to show them how to have a safe erotic life. The idea grew from there until in the 1990s the school was offering short and long workshops for both men and women, workshops for men and women together, and a massage school where one could become a certified massage therapist.

The first weekend workshop in Minneapolis, MN was eye opening for me. I found myself in the presence of a group of 30-or-so men who were also exploring a safe erotic life with other men. Most of the men were clearly identified as gay, but a few of us were on the fence. I felt totally welcomed by the others in the group, with only a few men expressing doubts at my not fully embracing the gay lifestyle. I came home from this workshop ecstatic and couldn’t wait to explore further. Over the next few years I attended many Body Electric events, including a week-long retreat on the big island of Hawaii and two workshops at Wildwood, the retreat center operated by the school, for both men and women. (Wildwood has since become an independent organization but continues to offer Body Electric trainings.)

At one of these trainings a leader was talking about being a “useful” person in our home communities. When I thought about that idea I immediately saw that one way for me would be to become a massage therapist. I came home and discussed this with my wonderful partner, Elyn, and she said “Do it.” Body Electric School had a massage training beginning the next week and I applied and was accepted. I have been practicing massage now for over ten years and have never taken a fee for my services. I’ve had several careers in my life and I didn’t want another.

That is a brief synopsis of my journey to date. Perhaps more will come up later in the course of other writings.